MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY DEARONES

Random thoughts: Smile....

“If you cannot smile, don’t open the shop.”

The quote clearly states the importance of Smile… and I am quite clear that nobody wants a lecture on How to Smile… But what happens to us nowadays??? We forget the simple Smile thing or we are just giving those fake smiles only…

Once I read a quote of His Holiness the Dalai Lama it says that he thinks he would be a lonely old man if he didn’t smile so much. He thinks the simple physical act has brought him closer to people from all walks of life…

We often call ourselves as Social Animals, if we are the so called Social Animal we need few social skills to survive… Yes! It is necessary if you want to shine and be accepted by others. Start by smiling at others… Make it one of your habits… Never allow your mind to drift. Don’t start analyzing, worrying and daydreaming about the outcome… Remember this mantra…

"A person with an approachable outlook is likely to draw people who smile back and start talking. A gloomy face causes individuals to backslide and feel cautious that you might not be open for a chat.”

KEEEEP Saying Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!!

MISS YOU DARLZ!

“…….I give you my hand!

I give you my love more precious than money,

I give you myself before preaching or law;

Will you give me yourself? Will you come

travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we

live?”

I had someone so cute… who cared me a lot… loved me a lot… and I was happy with that cute buddy… But now, when I need her so desperately… I cannot find her nearby… She is gone… out of ma life…

I am writing this at midnight… not because I just had a dream about her… instead, thoughts about her are just taking life of my dreams and made me insomniac… It’s the moments we spend together… those moments are the real culprit, I think… who makes my life hard these days and nights… I simply miss her… missing her voice, a gentle touch of her and everything I had…

Yah! Whom I to blame those moments??? If I miss her now it’s simply because I was a kind of ‘sonovabitch’ those last days…or I really don’t deserve a place in her life… or I was too odd to stay close to her…. O’ Lord let her be happy wherever she is… I miss you darlz!

DREAM, DREAM, DREAM!!!

Some people eat, sleep and drink their dreams while some loose track en route. Isn't your dream a part of you until you realize it? or is it a momentary infatuation?.Dreams that fade away into the background, eroding in the test of time, those are never dreams. They are illusions, ones that appear in your dreams and leave no trace in the warmth of early morning sun. As Dr. Abdul Kalam rightly said dreams are not the ones you see in your sleep but, the ones that not allows you to sleep.

MSW was never ma dream, but I was sucked into the tornado of so called flow of life and there I was, confused, anxious, puffing and throwing tantrums. In a month I realized, I had no other way other than to accept that I was actually there, in midst of problems faced by our society. Once, I understood that there was no way out I slowly agreed to be a part of it. I was inheriting someone else's dreams. At a point of time I started accepting social work as part of my dream. It was the new exposure to the life on the other side of our society that triggered a passion in me for social work and I decided to give it the best shot. 

I fail to understand the other side of the rule, If X was your dream and if it’s so close to you how can you just give up. Wasn't it the only thing you ever wanted in your life? If that's so why can’t you put in a 110%. Sometimes what we call as our dream may not be the right dream for us, one may stumble, take a few leap, get bruised but, that's it? You just give up? You sit there on the battle ground with your hands up in the air and say "THAT'S IT". You call that a FAILED ATTEMPT? I call it COWARDLINESS.

If you shout it out to the world that X is your dream, people around you will expect you to be an expert in your dream. Can't blame the people for thinking so because for a commoner, dreams are the ones we are good at, not something that you wanna try out if you can fit in or not. When you fail people see this as a lack of interest and then those dreams degrade to the status of "EX-DREAMS".

Here is another scenario, you have a dream and you are in the path of realizing your dream, one day you wake up and find a new dream holding its place against the old one. What then? You just let the old dream die? Or will you just let you first dream take a higher priority now this, i will leave it upon individual decision. What you want most in life, only you know, so prioritize based on the execution time and necessity.

"LIVE YOUR DREAM, NOT LET THE DREAM LEAVE YOU

Thanq Guysssssssssss!

Here is the time to put my writing genes to some good use. There are multiple things that i want to talk about, laced with descriptive view and as i sit here, typing away half baked ideas i wonder....what exactly i wanted to write about? About Life? Well, NO people learn through their experiences and there is no way a 23 year old can impart worldly wisdom. Okay let me whine few things about my latest birthday…

First and foremost thank you all for the kind wishes on my birthday…let me take this post to talk about few names who stood for me all these 8401 days… my parents, my brother and relatives, without whom, I would not have been able to reach this critical point in my life. Their numerous sacrifices, stern guidance, endless patience, and unequivocal support have allowed me to overcome the multitude of the educational and life challenges that crossed my path. In addition, I would also like to thank my dearest friends for being there for me during the most difficult and challenging times of my life.

Last, but certainly not least, I would like to thank the Almighty God the most benevolent and most merciful, for making my dream come true.

Special Thanks to my chweeeet Ammoos Who gave me a magnificent gift, I ever had!

Let me commit to memory a few names of the wishers!

My Family Unit

Deena Joseph
Ishitha E.K.

Varun paul

Thomson Varghese

Edison Varghese

Linoj Thomas

Jesmi Joseph

Shanavas TA

Rajesh P.R.

Shijo Devassy

Antony Jinoy Kayyalakam

George

Reshma

Geetha K.G.

Dijo Babu

Anumol Thomas

Toney Joy

Sudhi Thankappan

Mrs. Seena Abraham

Sanu Balan

Anas Marayam

Naveen

Vino George

Reubin Daniel

Jimlet George

Remya

Riya

Louis Thomas

Arun Narayanan

Tresa Mary Varghese

Domu....

John Paul Augustine

Vinu Prasad Ravindran

Sivaja Nair

Kannan

Anil

Aswathy Ramachandran

Albin Joseph

Anju

Jomon

Sonu Suvid

Amal Eappen

Midhun M.K.

Anna J. Pynadath

Ramanadhan

Blessy Ann John

Sebin Devassy

Anoop Joseph

Sudish Jose

Kailasnath S.

Ajeesh Kashamkulam

Prashanth Tomy

Bony fas Victor

Madhu Sankar

Fr. Regi Augustine

Fr. Francis Menachery

Fr. James Varghese

Antony M.O.

Jojo Thomas

Aju Varghese

Onam plus Italian Lessons

Hai miei cari amici, Sono così felice di scriverti il mio compleanno! O sorry it’s Italian… and it means, “Hai my dear friends, I am so happy to write to you on my birthday!” Few minutes ago I was talking to Poula…So that’s why tongue dropped Romans language… Poula is a 83 year old lady from Rome, Italy… she was dreaming about a vaction in the largest democracy… so we added her to our family… everybody is  happy to be with her… even though she sleeps at a nearby hotel… she will be ready at our doorstep every morning… with a smile and a big Ciao (Hallo)… and spends rest of the day with our family… For all of us at home its time to taste the language of Romans…
It’s so beautiful to be alive these days… Had lots of joy, fun and also tears… It was a hard decision for me… but atlast I said Quit… hmm now am free and wants to move on…
Onam this time was superb… Organized two day celebrations at parish by name Onanilavu ’10 under the banner of Youth Movement… for the first time in ma life I visited all those family units in ma parish and talked to them… Dad’s brothers are also here on their vacation… its great to see ma sisters after almost a year…Memories of Lunch on Onam day and dinner on the next day fills my mouth with water… Alas! Onam Days are gone…:(
I am 23 now and today am having a voluntary free day… This year I got good birthday Holidays… A wonderful mallout on Thursday and on yesterday we were in an amusement park… wowwwwwwwww………………… It was awesome…. O’ its time to say bye… will be back with more soon! A presto!

LAMENTATIONS

Eyes are wet… that’s sure… how should I ventilate these painful feelings… heart is aching… no idea where should I move towards… its eazy to say quit but I am scared to do that, considering the responses life has given me these days… I am not calling anyone responsible for these situations…. Its life and I should face it… But one thing is sure now… nobody is with me…. People who I loved… cared… and gave a hand when they were in the pit. In other words am just alone…
I am not reading books, not watching TV, even not calling anyone… I am just finding myself inside those four walls of my room… sitting in the corner… facing down…my right hand supporting the chin… and chanting ‘darkness is comfortable’…

Surviving Life

Life is all about flirting, flirting with Ups and Downs, on a particular day you will smile/laugh and may be on the next day you will shed tears… that’s what life is… She says you must go through all those ups and downs… and she plays the role of a teacher and makes the journey adventureous. One should be ready to face all those stuffs that life keeps for you. You could compare life to a game of chess… right move at right time help you walk the distance…. A wrong one and your enemy will suck you up…
I don’t want to be hooked up to somewhere very long… It’s hard to survive… So let me start swiming, to reach a safe land…

A year old Baby

Yea! my blog is a year old today... Happy Birthday AMARANTA... Thanks to all those supported me through out my life.

O Lord fill me with your faith!!!

It is always not easy to list out what happened in life or what we think about and scribble down those in to this virtual space. Everyday has its own smell and taste. So I have to pick what’s important or in other words what I wanna keep safe to recollect in the future. That’s exactly why I blog not frequently. But I am happy that am doing that for last twelve months (almost).

Rain keeps me lethargic. I need some sunny days. Yep, rain is always boring except when I have a Chetan Bhagat kind of fiction and a cup of hot coffee (Exception also apply when you have your girlfriend with you… Rain rockz :) :D)

Most of my classmates from the masters started building their career in social work. That means now everyone has their own path to travel. I miss them now. Hope I will also adapt to a new path where I won’t have those twenty four guys with me always.

Today when i was at my church I was thinking about myself… am I started losing my faith just like the world we live in??? I have to rejuvenate myself. I have to dip my pen again in the ink of spirituality… O’ god give me more faith in you, So that I can thank you for your blessings, praise your name and ask for my daily bread. Amen

WELCOME MONSOON

Summer heat was taking a toll on my body but, got more than what I wished for, for now its raining heavily. Summer doesn't make you as uncomfortable as monsoons. You walk through the road concentrating hard on how to avoid big muddy water pools and there, the driver of a car swishes past you, splashing the dirty water over your clothes. Most of the shops doesn't allow you to take your leaky umbrella inside and after you have made past all those wet clothes brushing past you, you find your umbrella missing. A Kerala monsoon is a nightmare that you have to live through to appreciate ma writings.

If you are sitting in your couch comfortably, sipping hot tea, reading a nice fiction then there is no better season than monsoons. BTW this monsoon is giving me a chance to live in the world of fiction, exactly how I dreamed. Now I am reading Chetan Bhagat’s “2 States (The Story of My Marriage)”. He is just awesome…

Hear the rain droplets whispering in your ears, watch the birds take shelter. God!!! Am swaying...if ...leave it...let it rain, let it quench mother Earth's thirst, let life thrive....

THE FOX ???

Finally my land is wet by monsoon… it’s the time to find a blanket and visit the world of dreams… I hate going out when it is raining… so I offer my prayers at the altar of the rain goddess… It is to pour rain only in the night. It will help me find some sound sleep… sleep is the real medicine to all our worries…
Some days I feel lonely and some days crowded… but these days I feel mixed emotions… it’s true that am an introvert these days… that’s bcoz, these days I wanna live in the world of fiction… at the same time I do make contacts with ma lovely friends… also would love to make frequent contacts with the one, who I want to keep much longer (I am ready to wait, May 2010).

When one loves something from bottom of the heart… there is high chance for ending up as ‘The Fox’… “The Fox who cannot reach the grapes…” will I be the Fox?

I AM READY TO WAIT…

Relationships carry a lot of scores in this risky exam called life. You need someone for providing you a packet of solace, at the time you are in need. It can be from your parents, bros, sis, relatives and friends. Life will surely help at different times to meet the one who could be your comfort.
The real question is how you will know someone is going to be the one you are looking for... I have a bunch of special ones, both from family as well as from the outside world. But now there is something new happening. These days, there is someone unique, who I want to keep much longer. Even a short chat with that one will make me a different, confident, persona. Inspiration and support that I need can be felt even from the simple presence of that person. That’s why I want to keep that person much longer. No idea what it really means, how it will turn out in the future… will I miss those hands or hold it forever??? Let’s wait; time can help you in answering most of the questions…

Let the souls Rest In Peace!!!

A tragedy on last Saturday shook the entire nation; it was when a fight journey found a catastrophic end. It’s awful when lives end so suddenly. Prayers are there for the families whose loved ones passed away in the plane crash. O’ God, let the souls rest in peace.

IN FOND MEMORY

This is in fond memory of my Grand pa, who signed out of this world ten years ago!!! He is the first one in my list of ‘persons I am missing’. When I was a child, he is the one who told me stories, taught how to pray and my role-model on how to be a humble leader. Simply one of the best personalities I have ever met. Miss u pa!

Papa's gone to buy sweets

Hey peeps, am working for children at my new office. For me, it’s really interesting to work with them. Here in our society family possess a great role in converting the child to a responsible citizen. They keep the authority to take decisions for him even in his 20's. One thing I find really difficult is that in our country parents make up stories all the time to Children. So, for example, Ebin is looking for his Papa, when he's away on a business trip. Rather than say he's working and he'll be back later, the family say 'Papa's gone to buy sweets (Mittaayi/paappam)'. Why not just tell him the truth? I don't like because, apart from not being true, and that Ebin expects his papa to reappear - with sweets (are sweets really better than Papa anyway?!)- it is treating kids as if they're stupid. Which they're not.

The curious Incident of the dog in the night- time

It’s a Sunday morning… and I'm spending it lazily reading Mark Haddon. It’s an interesting book with a long title “The curious Incident of the dog in the night- time”. The protagonist of the story is an autistic savant and while he's a whiz at math and science, human emotions are particularly complex for him. As the novel opens, he tells us "I know all of the countries of the world and their capital cities, and every prime number up to 7,057." He finds a neighbor's dog, named Wellington, murdered and with the help of his teacher, Siobhan, he decides to write a book about his attempt to solve this mystery. Its how the story goes on…

BTW I got a job, last Wednesday and started working Thursday onwards. I have to travel two hours in train to reach the workplace and hope this space will be filled with Mark Haddon. See Ya!

let me sleep...

Couldn't have done it any better.Want some good reason that can force my inner self to calm down.An aim?a reason to hang on?.I was the hero of some pathetic romantic movie today or you can say i acted like one.Don't wanna walk back and feel like i have done something wrong,just few missed calls.A small help for the mobile operator won't hurt right?.When I'm frustrated i speak a lot and I'm talking whole lot off nonsense now. Its genuine tears rolling down ma cheeks,its true that my heart is aching.Yeah I'm a hypocrite!!!and such people don't need any company.I'm sick and tired of forgetting.Why do i have to depend on other people for ma happiness?I need sleep,something that can doze of my consciousness,something that will stop this pain deep inside.I'm done with the numerous panicky calls.Good nite peeps,for the the night is just starting for me !!!

Life is a bitch sometimes…

She is asking me a number of questions for last couple of months. Now I am totally weak answering questions one by one. That’s true buddies nowadays am facing a really difficult part of my life. I am nervous now, bcoz am afraid she still has questions for me in her pocket.
Last couple of weeks ago I saw a research baby. But it was so huge that I got scared of it. It gave me many nights of insomnia. Earlier data collection made me show signs of illness and later part of dissertation made me sick. I am totally fed up now.
My efforts to garnish last days at college with fun also went wrong. As a result, I got a very bad remark on me by someone I like. It was on the day of first internal xam. I don’t think now am totally fit to go for my externals.
There are only a few things to rejoice. First one is that my bro is back at home after successfully completing his training at Leela, Kovalam. We were compelled to welcome him with an ordinary dish, as it was ‘Free from flesh’ days for all of us at home. Next one is assurance of a stimulus pack for me from dad’s bro. It gave me some relief from ma worries. Thank god! O’ how can I forget to tell about my first interview?? I got selected. But I regret I was unable to take a decision in the given time. So I had to drop the offer letter.
And that is how nowadays I am swimming in this large ocean called LIFE. May god bless all of us.

EMPTINESS

Nowadays, when I come up with something funny, my world goes upside down and I come back to ma old pensive world. Data collection for my dissertation is making some troubles to me. I have even started developing an allergy towards data generation. Exams coming right after this month and deadline to submit dissertation is making some holes in my happy days. Financial burdens and burning climate is adding to this dry period in my life. A dog also got an opportunity to trouble me. These things making my trial to catch dreams bit difficult… Life!!!! Wish I could fade away into emptiness.

ANGEL WHOM I MISSED

These flowers are for an angel whom I haven’t seen. About whom I have only a blurred idea for the moment. Only thing I know was entered to my database very lately. What I know is that it was just a bud, which had no fortune to experience the four lettered biggest adventure…. But ma eyes become wet few days ago and loved as much as, how many pail of love I gave or is still in my heart for my bro… It was a flower that faded when it was ambiguous to call it a bud....

FINGERS CROSSED BEFORE CRICKET GOD!!!

O’ I was waiting for this moment from the second Cricket Almighty Sachin Remesh Tendulkar got Double Hundred….how can I start…… the Master does it! “Who else but the little master”, I say. For people who have followed him, have seen him getting agonizingly close but not getting across. So this time again it was waiting with anticipation and anxiety but ending with cheers and jubilation. But then the uninformed will ask, “What’s the big deal with hitting 200 runs?” Well, we are species which wants more: more mileage per liter of petrol, more sms offers, more bandwidth per i-connection, more free downloads per month, more paid leaves per year and more hartals. Every time we sit to watch a match we want someone to go beyond the usual and push it a little more. And every time the little master comes out to bat we want him to show what mere mortals can’t do. So on the 24 February when he did a lot more than we were expecting, we fell on our knees and gave thanks to the powers above but not taking anything away from the little genius too, who in the fall of his cricketing career showed that he was born to rule the world of cricket, now and forever. We love him, revere him and wish him to keep doing what he does best, with humility and passion. And mind you 100 runs of the 200 came from fours. That’s a mean achievement in itself when we see batsman out of breath for runs to reach fifty’s. I as a humble citizen of India hereby recommend India's highest civilian honor Bharata Rathna for Mr. Sachin Remesh Tendulkar. Left to me, I would write a eulogy which would not see the end of the day. So let’s see what others have to say about him.


"Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it." - Hashim Amla, the South African batsman, reassures himself as he boards a flight.

"To Sachin, the man we all want to be" - Andrew Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin.

“Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their lives."
- BBC on Sachin

"Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?" - Wasim Akram to Abdul Razzaq when the latter dropped Sachin's catch in 2003 WC.

Sachin is a genius. I'm a mere mortal. - Brian Charles Lara

"We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin." - Mark Taylor, during the test match in Chennai (1997)

"The more I see of him the more confused I'm getting to which is his best knock." - M. L. Jaisimha

"The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility - all make for a one-in-a-billion individual," - Glen McGrath

"I can be hundred per cent sure that Sachin will not play for a minute longer when he is not enjoying himself. He is still so eager to go out there and play. He will play as long as he feels he can play," - Anjali Tendulkar

"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar." - Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai.

“There was a big party where stars from bollywood and cricket were invited. Suddenly, there was a big noise, all wanted to see approaching Amitabh Bachhan. Then Sachin entered the hall and Amitabh was leading the queue to get a grab of the GENIUS!!” - Shah Rukh Khan in an interview.

“India me aap PrimeMinister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par Sachin Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte.. “ - Navjot Singh Sidhu on TV

“He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also.” - Waqar Younis

“I Will See God When I Die But Till Then I Will See Sachin” - A banner in Sharjah

"Sachin cannot cheat. He is to cricket what (Mahatma) Gandhiji was to politics. It's clear discrimination. " - NKP Salve, former Union Minister when Sachin was accused of ball tempering

“There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the others.” - Andy Flower

"I have seen god, he bats at no.4 for India" - Mathew Hayden

The best one.

On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This Genius can stop time in India!! - Peter Rebouck - Aussie journalist

HOPE!!!

That gorgeous wind just passed me, fueling the stove of feelings in ma heart. It’s on fire for last few years. Let it burn till the last drop of oil.
Grand ma broke her leg couple of days ago. It is changing the whole scenario. It is something that I never expected. She is weak now. O god, make her days beautiful.
You need confidence to come up with something innovative and the real part of preserving. It was there in me when I started giving life to youth movement at my parish; but now I doubt I have… Anyway I think I have done something, now youth movement is almost four months old in its new avatar. May god has a plan now. It has a list of programs. So I have “hope”…

RETROSPECTION

“And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” -Genesis 1:31.
Everything god made is good, but it doesn’t mean everything is perfect. God made both light and darkness. He created humans in his own image, but with limitations. No exception for me too. I’m full of flaws. I do bad and promise myself that it won’t happen next time. But when Mr. Temptation comes, am failing to be assertive. That happened last two times… that I wish, those moments just glide past me. It is something that I despise, turning into something, that I'm scared to gaze into. This ‘me’ is someone I don't recognize, someone with fake smiles and someone who pretends he knows everything even when he knows deep down inside that the soil beneath his legs is fast disappearing. Today I think those moments were wrong. But this is the harsh reality of life. Just when you feel you had gone wrong, you realize that it’s too late to turn back and do an alt+clt+dlt. right now I’m sandwiched between yet another junction...can't move in either way...trapped.... congested.... tired.... i try to be as flexible as possible... still it’s not that easy, allowing yourself to be manipulated… living out life is sometimes dangerous..... Give me some break from all the hell… Life is a big sad joke… O god pls come for ma help…

O' my Valentine

SHAKING!!!

Reminiscence of a hand shake I got on last Christmas night is still making waves in ma heart. We do shake hands when we meet someone. But the hand shake I talk about is not the usual one. It is different, different enough to make long lasting effect in ma mind. Why it is long lasting? Am I out of LOC now? Is it going towards another 397…? No idea about the future. What I know is, it was something lovable for me.

NEO

Finally ma bro is with me… he is on a two days leave from his training. I’m pretty happy to see him after a Christmas which marked his absence. We, mom and me, prepared a fine dinner for him and had dinner together after a period of almost three months.

These days my mind is always thinking about my financial status. It leads ma mind to some conclusions about this world. We heard the word ‘change’ more than usual during last president’s election of US. It was from the ‘buildup messiah of change’ by name, Mr. Obama. Our world is changed or in other words turned to a commercial space, now we can call it a ‘Market’, where you needs a big pocket even for your basic necessities. The call of bus owners to hike the bus charge is the very recent example. World is almost full of fake smiles and men with masks on their face. Nowadays cash is the real messiah. You need it to survive. Yes life is all about survival. I am surviving now.

Eight days ago we welcomed the New Year. Fresh start, but think it’s not gonna be easy breezy like last time. It’s going to be a challenging one. I already prepared for that, done couple of changes in my priorities, it is not going perfect but better. I’m happy for that. After the attack of fever in the December `09 I actually relaxed bit. But now am engaged, have couple of responsible roles to perform at different levels such as youth movement at my parish and for the film festival at Aluva. Also am looking upon my profession. Need to prepare hard, gulping all those stuffs learned during last two years, to face the world after completing social work training on this May.

O’ how can I forget to tell about the talk I listened to, last day? It was during the inauguration of our association of Social work students (SWAS) at campus. Talk was by Mr. Civic Chandran, who put forward the real facts about our society. It was an interesting one. He talked about the importance of social work profession in social activism like the movements at Atirapilly, Marayoor, Chengara et cetera. He also had his words on moral policing in Kerala, role of youth today and about the empowerment issues. BTW ma last days passed away and now it’s the time for me to gave ma physical part some rest, so that I can wake up tomorrow with more energy. O’ god, pls keep me under your wings. Bah bye….