CONTENTMENT!!!

Back after a busy schedule.... when i returned to ma home from campus, my thoughts where around the term HAPPINESS. I think misery brings other people into perspective… I realize now that most people are not as happy as they claim or seem... Being happy yourself makes others seem happy. Lately, I spend a lot of time comforting others. A case, verily, of the blind leading the lame… but am becoming quite good at it. Every little bit counts. Do you think this will reduce the heap of sins that I have accumulated?
But I ask myself… Do I really believe in sin and retribution? I don't think so… I prefer to believe in our benevolent God… one who forgives and forgets...Otherwise he would be too much like man.
Today, I was so busy. Was responsible for booking tickets for the academic tour of this sem… so when I came to ma dwelling, decided to listen music and get relaxed. I spend some time listening to MJ. It's so hard to digest the fact that he's gone. His “will you be there” played nearly ten times today… sure he is the king…
Dogs are strange creatures. No matter how much you scold, they always greet you with the same enthusiasm. That's more than that can be said for some human beings.

All my problems retreat to a safe distance when I'm with ma favorite music. This could possibly be due to the fact that music to me is a sound sensation, assimilation, anticipation, adulation, and reputation!
Just one more delicious day of freedom. But maybe I like being captive… in chains… Miles to go before I sleep....

REFF: God, MA LIFE, page no: 05082009

I get lost in the thoughts of ma existence and people are taken back by surprise. Its not just physical appearance that has changed but, deep down there are radical changes though the basic things remain same. I kind off got repelled today during the test hour by the fact that i could hate some so badly.

Believe me ,when i say the hatred is all for the right reasons. Whatever may be the reason, they were part of ma life for last a year. I believe friends are people who not only stand by your side during the good times but, the bad times too.

For, them it wasn't the case, all they cared about was the company, when they are in need, share the extra notes, bike..etc. They were never someone whom you can call friends. I've always stood for them. But pains were ma reward..

That's when i started hating them still, i found it difficult to hate them for, its difficult to hate some one for me. After each passing day they makes me hate them more. I know i sound in human but the factors affecting the relation are irreversible. I wish if i could drive away all the negative thoughts but, i cant.

3 days of plain bliss, where nothing else mattered other than eating, sleeping and browsing net. the very first day, With long hours wrapped under the bed sheet,literally refusing to get up from the comfy bed, i gave ma mom a big scare.What was i doing??? well, NOTHING at all, finally i did pull up ma act together, got ma self some dose of fiction and some travel thru net. Today i did miss some action in form of the disscution about academic tour for the semester,

i didn't care or think about anyplace or the fun. Occasionally i did slow down the thoughts focusing on the pain: What were ma friends doing at that time. But, it was nothing but a small bubble, which bursted and then disappeared into air.

I was happy with ma self....the pampering, the let it loose attitude. These 3 days gave me enough room to think for ma self, something that i rarely do. It was an intellectual break and thankfully i was futile. Though i had some lows too last week, issues with people who seemingly took ma spirit on the wrong note.I know may be I'm wrong but,the reasoning seems so clear. I have a life and I'm living it for ma self not for the world to decide what I'm gonna do with it."YEH MERI LIFE HAI,MUJHE JEENE THO"

"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible"

And the sun entered the womb of the sky mother and darkness fell.

Just had a wonderful friendship day...sent greetings to almost all of ma friends...few had time to talk with me thru phone...and thru the wondeful world of internet... i went out with some of ma best friends..yes it was a very good day fro me...

But nowdays its bit difficult for me...

Hamlet had a fatal flaw in his character. That is wat lead to his murder. To be or not to be..etc etc.

The point is, that way i'm the next candidate for murder. I'm talking about indecisiveness.

I suffer from this fatal flaw. I mean, I can't even decide wat flavour of icecream to buy. Even when am having a bad time i would like to cheeeese all d time...

Yes its all human to keep smiling at the time of adversities. Ha! believe me life is not that rosy.. if one doesnt speak out the problems buried deep within then ,one day the problem will consume u.. the void deep within ma heart is my current problem... sometimes i get so frustrated that i fail to see the world beyond the four boundaries of ma wall... I view the world from ma comfort zone... cursing all the bad things around... Not even once have i attempted to try to make a differnce of ma own..I know that its almost impossible to change the world in one week...

the way i dream... i am ashamed of the hollowness in ma words... do i have the right to question the existing system... All i can do is to believe that im also a part of the society...

that never needs to b questioned... or for the time being let the fire deep within me rest in peace...

I have nothing more to say. Au revoir.........