I get lost in the thoughts of ma existence and people are taken back by surprise. Its not just physical appearance that has changed but, deep down there are radical changes though the basic things remain same. I kind off got repelled today during the test hour by the fact that i could hate some so badly.
Believe me ,when i say the hatred is all for the right reasons. Whatever may be the reason, they were part of ma life for last a year. I believe friends are people who not only stand by your side during the good times but, the bad times too.
For, them it wasn't the case, all they cared about was the company, when they are in need, share the extra notes, bike..etc. They were never someone whom you can call friends. I've always stood for them. But pains were ma reward..
That's when i started hating them still, i found it difficult to hate them for, its difficult to hate some one for me. After each passing day they makes me hate them more. I know i sound in human but the factors affecting the relation are irreversible. I wish if i could drive away all the negative thoughts but, i cant.
3 days of plain bliss, where nothing else mattered other than eating, sleeping and browsing net. the very first day, With long hours wrapped under the bed sheet,literally refusing to get up from the comfy bed, i gave ma mom a big scare.What was i doing??? well, NOTHING at all, finally i did pull up ma act together, got ma self some dose of fiction and some travel thru net. Today i did miss some action in form of the disscution about academic tour for the semester,
i didn't care or think about anyplace or the fun. Occasionally i did slow down the thoughts focusing on the pain: What were ma friends doing at that time. But, it was nothing but a small bubble, which bursted and then disappeared into air.
I was happy with ma self....the pampering, the let it loose attitude. These 3 days gave me enough room to think for ma self, something that i rarely do. It was an intellectual break and thankfully i was futile. Though i had some lows too last week, issues with people who seemingly took ma spirit on the wrong note.I know may be I'm wrong but,the reasoning seems so clear. I have a life and I'm living it for ma self not for the world to decide what I'm gonna do with it."YEH MERI LIFE HAI,MUJHE JEENE THO"
"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible"
nannayiyttundallo arun good
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